My Boyfriend Sleeps Over at His Female Best Friends House

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We're withal early on in the relationship and knew each other before we got together. He has a close female person friend who he had a thing with in the by, he told me this before we got together and at the time I didn't intendance. Just now nosotros're together it is a business of mine. He's staying at hers this weekend because she's a couple of hours abroad and don't catch up a lot, and it'south got me feeling anxious nearly the what ifs and the sleeping arrangements. I know I should trust him and near of me thinks cipher is going to happen but I accept problem trusting people in the outset identify, which he knows nearly.
I don't know how to deal with this, I don't want to spend my weekend worrying and I know I can't tell him what he should and shouldn't practise. I don't want to control him and he shouldn't stop hanging out with girls because he has a girlfriend, I just don't know how to bargain with my feelings about this :/

I completely see where you're coming from, I've been in that situation too.
It'southward normal to feel like this at the beginning of a new relationship, you worry if you're 'exclusive' or if ex's are a threat. My advice is to trust until given a reason not to trust. Y'all'll exist on his mind, particularly if you transport him a short goodnight text, lets him know you're thinking of him.

If he does prove whatsoever significant signs that he's cheated, you lot'll know. Don't 'look' for them, they'll just be obvious. In the concurrently, go on yourself busy, avoid talking about him, go shopping or do something to go along your heed at peace.
I hope this helps

Considering they accept history, you have a right to question the sleeping arrangements. That'south not controlling. All you're doing is asking about where he's staying...

If they didn't have history so I wouldn't be too alarmed merely the fact they accept history I would be having reservations near it also.

I'thousand distressing yous're feeling this style just don't beat out yourself up well-nigh information technology- it's perfectly natural to feel jealous at some points in any human relationship. In this case I'd actually recommend talking to him nigh how you feel and be perfectly honest on your concerns about the situation and why y'all think these things so he can go a clear understanding and is enlightened of what'south going on. To be honest, I remember you exercise have a valid reason for feeling a scrap uncomfortable near the state of affairs, judging from their by history and the whole staying over thing but hopefully he will be able to explain to you lot his side of the story and reassure you that nothing odd is going on. If he makes it articulate to you lot that cipher'south going on outside of your human relationship then all you can practise is let go of doubts and fear and just put trust in him because otherwise these negative thoughts will eat your mind and create distance betwixt you both. However, if you find yourself feeling this style again in the future and that you have a valid reason to do then so it might be worth thinking about whether this is a skillful relationship to be in- but hopefully it won't come up to that.
Best of luck and I promise thing work out for y'all!

I can see how it must make y'all feel just as you lot said he has know this girl for a long period of time. If yo starting time to come across as the jealous person now then information technology wouldn't be healthy for you or your relationship.

Just trust him, keep yourself occupied and don't recollect about what you lot recollect might happen, they are not an detail for a reason! If he does cheat and then he isn't worth it anyway

Thanks for your responses. My feelings won't modify only I will go on myself occupied and just let it pass.I call back I'll know how the tone of things are past how much he communicates when away and when I run across him after. Hopefully it'll be fine and I'll see at that place'due south no reason to worry

I think information technology is okay to feel that manner about his past romantic relationships with friends but y'all should trust him when he says that he isn't interested in her anymore. Maybe he is just sleeping over since she's such good friends with him outcome though they bankrupt up!

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OK, everyone seems to be trusting. I probably would not be. I dont think it is controlling anyhow - it is non as if you have been living together for years and know each other well plenty to know how things are probable to go.

I recollect people like to have boundaries because they know where they stand up. They know that if they go over those boundaries, then they adventure existence dumped or thrown out etc.

I personally recollect you lot should not allow information technology because I think there will e'er be a temptation to revisit that time when they were, and I dont quite understand why he wants to stay over and put you in the position of being jealous anyhow. Maybe it is just that - to make you feel jealous considering some people similar to do that and play games.

Mayhap I am simply a jealous sort anyway, but I would probably give an ultimatum. Life is too brusque to be with someone who wants to be in a committed human relationship and yet go stay with old girlfriends too. I bet if you lot wanted to go stay over at an quondam boyfriend'southward house he would have something to say.

You don't know whether y'all can trust him if it's early on on in the relationship.

I personally would permit psycho Ronnie to come up out because even though it's thought of as "controlling" him, isn't it common sense you just don't sleep at other women's houses having a girlfriend???

(Original post by ocpaul20)
OK, everyone seems to be trusting. I probably would not be. I dont think it is controlling anyway - information technology is non as if yous have been living together for years and know each other well enough to know how things are probable to go.

I think people like to have boundaries because they know where they stand. They know that if they become over those boundaries, then they take a chance being dumped or thrown out etc.

I personally think you should not let information technology because I think there will always be a temptation to revisit that fourth dimension when they were, and I dont quite understand why he wants to stay over and put you in the position of being jealous anyway. Maybe it is just that - to make you feel jealous because some people like to do that and play games.

Maybe I am just a jealous sort anyway, just I would probably give an ultimatum. Life is too short to exist with someone who wants to be in a committed human relationship and nevertheless go stay with old girlfriends too. I bet if you wanted to go stay over at an former boyfriend'due south house he would take something to say.

This.

You have 100% right to question the sleeping arrangements.

My issue would be, if the distance is long for him to travel, either they both meet in the centre, i hour each style (non a lot of travel) and they can become home the same day. Or he tin slumber in a hotel (£xxx for a cheapo i) or a male friends business firm.

I become that everyone here is saying trust him..but information technology's not about trust. It's near having respect for your current relationship. You're not accusing him of being a cheat, y'all're saying you're uncomfortable with the situation. Y'all practise Not go to an ex girlfriend's house to slumber over considering they want to "catch up" ...the talking and catching up should have been done during their relationship, not during yours.

Wtf you dont only slumber at some other girls house if youre in a relationship ESPECIALLY if y'all liked her/accept some flirting history with her from before. That is a MAJOR Cherry FLAG.

Sto being a feminist and just brand sure you make him enough food so he tin enjoy his weekend with her

Mate this would not sit down well with me at all. I'd merely be okay if I knew in that location were no feelings between them. I would question why they can't become for drinks or dinner like anybody else. I'm close to my best friend, if we wanna grab up we get out and spend the twenty-four hours together. I certainly wouldn't be going over to his for a sleepover if my boyfriend felt uncomfortable with the idea (within reason) but everyone is unlike I guess.

We were friends before we got together and he told me about her when we were friends, only also said in that location's cipher in that location for him and she's a mate etc.
Even still, I don't think it's necessary to stay over considering he could take simply met with her for i day rather than staying over, it's not and then far away that it can't be a day thing. I take told him that it makes me uncomfortable, the staying over, and he simply reassured me at that place was nothing going on etc. She does know about us. But this calendar week he'due south been acting off with me, not being so keen to run across me and make plans, which makes me feel even worse. I don't know where to go from hither really :/ I feel like i take to just ride information technology out and see how things are afterward the weekend.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Nosotros were friends before we got together and he told me about her when we were friends, simply likewise said there's zip there for him and she's a mate etc.
Even still, I don't call up information technology's necessary to stay over because he could take just met with her for 1 twenty-four hours rather than staying over, it's non so far abroad that information technology tin't be a day affair. I have told him that it makes me uncomfortable, the staying over, and he merely reassured me in that location was nada going on etc. She does know well-nigh us. Only this week he'due south been acting off with me, not being so keen to see me and brand plans, which makes me feel fifty-fifty worse. I don't know where to go from here really :/ I feel like i have to only ride it out and run into how things are after the weekend.

If she'southward shut enough to not take to spend the dark and then that'southward seriously dodgy. Perchance tell him how uncomfortable it makes yous and make him see how weird it is?

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but it sounds like he might be planning to rekindle whatever they had or test the waters with her overnight when you're not around. The fact that he's being off with you might be that he's trying to distance himself already.

He's being a really ****ty boyfriend, if he was half decent he wouldn't do this when you're so uncomfortable, he should priorities your feelings over some girl he'due south friends with.

How to respond to this depends on the level of seriousness in your relationship.
- You're "even so early on". Exclusively seeing 1 some other? If not, I wouldn't worry about him sleeping over at another girls identify as much. If you're newly exclusive, it should throw a cerise flag and I would ask about the arrangements.
- When you get to beingness serious and having conversations about things similar "well practice y'all want kids somewhen?" - at that indicate information technology's not just a cherry flag, it'south alert shot and you demand to either back downward the relationship seriousness or shut the door him staying at some other daughter'due south place, no matter the sleeping arrangements.
- When you're talking getting married or are engaged, even him suggesting staying at another girl'south should be a big carmine flag.

I've slept round my close boy mates firm and my boyfriend was a fleck annoyed but he got over information technology cus nothing happened, merely trust him for at present you dont wanna exist all weird and control who his mates are.. just try and keep yourself occupied and dont text him 24/7 asking him questions. If he starts acting weird with you lot or distant so mayhap go along your wits about you

I'm actually close to a girl and I sleep at her house sometimes. Nothing has ever happened and zero will. I don't take a girlfriend but if I had i I'd all the same practise it. So don't overthink about this, it doesn't mean anything.

I wouldn't worry near it, he'll be safe because he knows her from before so he'll probably be safe over there, he'll return shortly equally well and then it's all okay, hopefully will exist safe every bit long as he drives safely on the throughway. Yous're worried about his safe and missing him while he's away only it'due south okay, he'll be back soon anyway.

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